Barsaat


Director: Suneel Darshan
Music: Nadeen-Shravan
Year: 2005

When I want to see Barsaat in the theater I was all alone until the lights went out and then three people who were either lost, ashamed of being seen or sneaking in from another screening straggled in. This was the second day into its run but clearly the word had spread like wildfire among the knowing that this was one film to avoid like the Black Plague. I had actually intended to see The Rising but changed my mind at the box office - after reading all the comments it felt too much like a class assignment and I was more in the mood for something lighter and with Bispasha Basu and Priyanka Chopra I figured how bad could it be? Can I go back in time?

This is such an awkward nearly brain cell destroying clunker that it had two of the three other folks in a state of giggles throughout and I needed to tie myself down with barbed wire to stop from leaving. I really wanted to but the $10.50 ticket price forced me to painfully stay seated till the bitter conclusion. I was also mildly curious to see which of these stunning women would end up with the door prize that comes in the form of Bobby Deol so that I could send them a sympathy card. Deol has made a career by looking petulant like a five year old who doesn't get to watch Sesame Street. His expressions range from a frown to a blank stare but this has done him well over the years. He certainly has plenty of scope to do petulant here and pretty much goes through the entire film looking dour, annoyed, irritated and aggravated - of course with films like this and a film career that is slowly headed south it's no surprise. The shock is why on earth Bipasha and Priyanka signed on to such a lame old fashioned story - either they didn't read the script or organized crime have pictures of them.
The only real suspense in the film is which of these two knockouts and rivals for the title of the sexiest Bollywood actress would come off the best. It’s a tough one to score - Bipasha plays the Western NRA and so she naturally gets all the cleavage shots that proliferate like drunks at a soccer match but Priyanka gets more than a few crying scenes and still gets to have her wet sari scene - which in truth was devastatingly sexy and nearly made staying worth it. Both look so delicious that it's more than a little difficult to suspend belief that they could both love old mopey Bobby. If ever there was an argument for converting to Islam and being able to have two wives this would be it.
In some nameless city in the United States, Bobby is a car mechanic working in a shop but he has dreams - big dreams - he wants to be a car designer making flashy fast cars for young wealthy people but not surprisingly no one is knocking down his door to hire him. But you know it is only a matter of time before his genius is recognized. One fateful day he goes to grab his fortune out of a jar and lo and behold a woman grabs the same fortune! This is Bipasha and the fortune reads something to the effect that "today you will meet your destiny". Her name isn't destiny but she is sure that the two of them are meant to be together and tells him this - basically take me I am yours – you are the last Indian man in town - but Bobby doubts this and blows her off. Let me repeat that - he blows off the full-lipped full figured Bispasha Basu like a candy wrapper. Later he runs into her and once again he blows off her advances - what's wrong with this guy - she is practically purring on his lap and this guy hasn't had sex since  . . . ever. At one point Bobby says that he is “Happy and gay”. But he’s just kidding. Uh-huh. After yet another run-in he ends up accidentally leaving his laptop with all of his designs in her car and the very next day he receives a call from BMW and they want to interview him! How did this come about? Well that’s obvious, she opened his computer, turned it on and looked at his designs and realized instantly what a brainiac he was and arranged the whole thing - now he realizes that he loves her after all and gets all mushy with her in an open field and soon becomes engaged to her. How sweet is that  - it really was destiny.
Oops - he forgot one small detail - something anyone could easily forget under the hurly burly activity of life - until he gets a call late one night - "Oh ya, I am already married to a girl back home". Darn it all. Yes, he is married to his gal pal from childhood - but after going away to school for 10 straight years without going home to visit - Bobby as a college boy is a hoot - he had kind of forgotten her until her grandma pleaded with him to marry her before the grandma died and this being Farida Jalal who could say no. So he marries her and rushes off to America before doing his husband's duty and has been there for many years leaving his poor wife behind with his parents doting for his return. She spends much of her time hugging the tree they planted so many years before. Sniff. His wife is Priyanka Chopra - maybe the sexist woman alive - and he runs off in a huff before doing anything and never returns to her. Sure this is all really believable. Now he has to go back and ask for a divorce but she refuses because she is going to fight for her man!  As she tells him, "did you know there is no Hindi word for divorce?" I wonder if there is one for abysmally bad? This film is so stupid I am getting a migraine thinking about it. BMW may have to change their name apparently because they are so embarrassed that they are associated with this film. The musical numbers are not bad – there are many of them - some pictured with a lot of sex appeal and thrusting bosums from the two women and one is a really nicely choreographed song set among the gypsies.

My rating for this film: 3.0

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