Ninja Wars
                                                 
Director: Kōsei Saitō
Year: 1982
Rating: 7.5
AKA - Death of a Ninja

AKA - Iga ninpôchô

Watched in Japanese with English subtitles

This is the sort of film that Takeshi Miike must have breast-fed on as a child. Wonderfully bonkers, bizarre, imaginative with decapitated heads spurting blood like an oil gusher, the dead brought back to life, head replacement surgery, toxic vomit projecting, ninja action, monk madness and of course a sweet love story. Well, two love stories. No, make that three. All with the same woman but then not really the SAME woman. It all makes sense when you watch it. Kind of. It is great fun if you just go with it. Ninja films come in two basic packages in Japan - the serious ones by serious directors in which they have special skills of disguise, stealth and handing out death. Then there are the ones that take those characteristics as a given and add to them with a bit of the supernatural or magic. And then there is this one that is just crazy.



Funny that they bother to set this in a real historical period with some true figures. Not that what happens in this film is in any way based on facts. It is the mid-1500s, the Sengoku Period and Japan is in the middle of civil wars.  Lord Miyoshi Yoshioki with his wife Lady Ukyodayu visit his retainer Sir Danjo Hisahide for tea. In the film Miyoshi is a bit of a twit unable to see what is happening around him - in history he was an important figure - at one point he was the Daimyo who ruled a large section of Japan and was constantly at war. In history Danjo headed the Yamato Matsunaga Clan and is considered one of the three great villains of Japan for his treachery. His treachery is quickly apparent here as he letches after Lady Ukyodayu who is played by Noriko Watanabe. Get used to that name. And that face. After his visitors depart, Danjo gets a visit from Koji Kashin - a true mythical personage who was a famous magician during this period. He and his Five Magic Monks promise Danjo that if he gets the love of Lady Ukyodayu, he will rule Japan. But how can I do that? Ah, a love potion. But for that we need the tears of her sister as we deflower her. Gulp. Which takes us to.



The lovely Kararibi who has just graduated from Ninja school with her Mikagetsu-ken power - the ability to cut things down with some ninja power. She is in love with Jotaro, another ninja, who returns her love. They are a very cute couple. She was separated from her sister at birth. Who plays Kararibi? Noriko Watanabe of course. She is kidnapped by the Five Magic Monks and they are about to rape her when she uses her ninja power and cuts . . . her own head off rather than lose her honor. We hit a gusher. This is no problem for Kashin and his monks of course - they simply cut off the head of another woman, take her head and plant it on Kararibi's body and plant Kararibi's head on the body of the woman they just killed. Don't try this at home. So, we now have a third Noriko Watanabe because this one called Onibi is as evil as hell. And the monks rape the other woman, formerly of Kararibe's body and make her cry. And make the love potion. But this is just the beginning.



Jotaro played by the great Hiroyuki Sanada swears vengeance as well as protecting Lady Ukyodayu. Sanada is the protege of Sonny Chiba and sure enough Chiba shows up as an honorable samurai of the Iga Clan. It is pretty nifty. Jotaro has to battle the Five Magic Monks constantly - one can vomit a toxic liquid, another can smell out anyone at any distance, another can revive the dead, another has a deadly boomerang blade, one is blind but gigantic. Lots of action. It is directed by Kōsei Saitō who followed this one with G.I. Samurai. I have read that the English dubbed version is pretty bad, so I recommend looking for the Japanese version.