Cash on Delivery
Many of us may be under the impression that being
a professional gigolo is a bed of roses, but after watching this film it
is clear that this is far from the case. First, it is a constantly gruelling
battle to keep your “money earner” in mint condition – even going so far
as to lift weights with it. Secondly, one’s own pleasure is not important
or as Simon Yam explains to Michael Chow, “a woman is like a well, a man
is like a pipe – a woman can orgasm many times, a man only once. Remember,
if you think of your own climax first, it is shame for the gigolo”. Thirdly,
you have to become an expert in all the kisses – as Simon lists them in
a court room scene – “the furious kiss, the light kiss, the testing kiss,
the biting kiss, the wet kiss, the dry kiss, the wild kiss, the deep kiss
and the 69 kiss!” Fourthly, younger gigolos on their way up are always
challenging you – to duels such as the “pick up the stamp on the bottom
of the glass with your tongue” contest.
So Simon has got out of the game – he has ownership
shares in a gigolo establishment, but does not any longer provide the service
himself. Instead, he has become an antique buyer whiling away his days
buying old clocks and watches. He has met a woman that intrigues him –
novice lawyer, Sandra Ng – and they are slowly falling in love. But, one
day he receives an offer he can’t refuse – five days on board a ship with
Veronica Yip in return for an antique watch that he had very much wanted.
Now most of us would not need that incentive to spend five days alone on
a sail boat with Veronica Yip making love in every stem and every stern
– but Simon is a complete professional.
Perhaps too much of a professional as he services
Veronica so thoroughly that she falls obsessively in love with Simon. This
is a bit of a problem as she is married – and now pregnant with Simon’s
child – and Simon wants nothing to do with her. His contract is fulfilled
as far as he is concerned. Things become very messy when her husband turns
up dead and Simon is on trial for his murder – and a very embittered woman
is testifying against him. As you can probably guess – Sandra becomes his
lawyer.
This film is not one of the best entries into
the Simon Yam gigolo genre (Gigolo and Whore I&II, Friday Gigolo, Hong
Kong Gigolo) as it veers away at some point from the enjoyable gigolo material
into the territory of some fairly nonsensical melodrama. Still Simon, who
always has the look of a cat, who has just had a large bowl full of fresh
milk, is wonderfully sleek, urbane and charming. Of course he is the perfect
gigolo in every sense of the word and that’s why he made this gigolo genre
practically his own. Then there is Veronica Yip.
If I were totally immature I would simply go Yip-y-yai-yay
or vroom-vroom-Veronica – but that would be silly in a sophisticated review
such as this. She is like a red-hot racing car just waiting for a Grand
Prix driver to work her gears – all sultry and sexy and volcanic (and often
unclad I should add for those with sensitive morals). She may be psychotic,
but damn I ‘d take her in a minute. Hell, I'd even take up pool for Veronica!
That Simon prefers the somewhat mousy Sandra Ng to Veronica, shows he is
a better man than I.
“Is it all in that pretty little head of
yours
What goes on in that place in the dark?
Well I used to know a girl and I would
have
Sworn that her name was Veronica.
But she used to have a carefree mind of
her
Own, with devilish look in her eye
Saying “You can call me anything you like,
but my name is Veronica”
Elvis Costello
My rating for this film: really 5 – but add
two additional points for Veronica's: 7.0
DVD Information:
Distributor - Yuki Video
Yuki Video seems to hold the same principles
as Ocean Shores - give the viewer as little as possible. There is no menu
- no trailer - no previews - no nada.
The transfer is generally OK - but has a fair
amount of speckling at times. This is likely just the LD source.
Letterbox
Subs - burnt on English and Chinese
Star files - None
Subs are generally readable - a few scenes
where they fade in with the background.