Tell me it ain’t so – Diana Pang Dan! I read recently
that Pang Dan like a few Cat III actresses before her had decided to change
the focus of her career towards more mainstream movies. This film may be
the sad proof in the pudding. There isn’t even a hint of cleavage to be
seen here as she remains as covered up as a nun in a sandstorm. “Mystical
Breasts” doing a Mary Poppins imitation may not be a good career move though
– she is not exactly cherished for her acting abilities and though she
certainly gives it her all here – I don’t see a Best Actress Award coming
her way anytime soon. Of course people probably said the same thing about
Hsu Chi once – so anything is possible.
It likely won’t be in a film though that is this
low budget even relative to HK films of the late nineties. I think my penny
jar could have financed this one. In this Pang Dan is a low budget female
action film star – the action films even being more low budget than this
film if that is possible. The action sets consist of a bare room with a
bunch of empty boxes to fall on. Pang Dan and her female co-star just basically
whack the hell out of each other until the director yells “cut”. Pang Dan
actually throws a few nice kicks and punches – but the director just keeps
yelling “hit harder” until both actors are bloodied. If HK action films
are really made in this manner I am amazed anyone is still able to walk.
Someone though is scaring Pang Dan – sending nasty
messages and cutting up her publicity photos. Is it the psycho fan, the
jealous co-star, the sadistic director or possibly just a film critic who
has sat through one too may Pang Dan films! There are many suspects and
policeman – Pai Ying (one of the old great kung fu action stars) – tries
to unravel it.
Before he does though a number of the suspects
start turning up dead and someone is running around in a Halloween mask.
One of my favorite scenes is when Pang Dan discovers someone just stabbed
and asks “can you tell me who did it?” and the camera pans around to show
that the person has a knife shoved right through her mouth. I don’t think
she will be answering you anytime soon Pang Dan.
I’ve certainly seen worse films and the perpetrator
actually came as a surprise – but a Diana Pan Dan film without a little
sleaze and cleavage is like a bowl of ice cream without any ice cream –
what’s the point?