No Sweat

Tell me it ain’t so – Diana Pang Dan! I read recently that Pang Dan like a few Cat III actresses before her had decided to change the focus of her career towards more mainstream movies. This film may be the sad proof in the pudding. There isn’t even a hint of cleavage to be seen here as she remains as covered up as a nun in a sandstorm. “Mystical Breasts” doing a Mary Poppins imitation may not be a good career move though – she is not exactly cherished for her acting abilities and though she certainly gives it her all here – I don’t see a Best Actress Award coming her way anytime soon. Of course people probably said the same thing about Hsu Chi once – so anything is possible.
It likely won’t be in a film though that is this low budget even relative to HK films of the late nineties. I think my penny jar could have financed this one. In this Pang Dan is a low budget female action film star – the action films even being more low budget than this film if that is possible. The action sets consist of a bare room with a bunch of empty boxes to fall on. Pang Dan and her female co-star just basically whack the hell out of each other until the director yells “cut”. Pang Dan actually throws a few nice kicks and punches – but the director just keeps yelling “hit harder” until both actors are bloodied. If HK action films are really made in this manner I am amazed anyone is still able to walk.
Someone though is scaring Pang Dan – sending nasty messages and cutting up her publicity photos. Is it the psycho fan, the jealous co-star, the sadistic director or possibly just a film critic who has sat through one too may Pang Dan films! There are many suspects and policeman – Pai Ying (one of the old great kung fu action stars) – tries to unravel it.
Before he does though a number of the suspects start turning up dead and someone is running around in a Halloween mask. One of my favorite scenes is when Pang Dan discovers someone just stabbed and asks “can you tell me who did it?” and the camera pans around to show that the person has a knife shoved right through her mouth. I don’t think she will be answering you anytime soon Pang Dan.
I’ve certainly seen worse films and the perpetrator actually came as a surprise – but a Diana Pan Dan film without a little sleaze and cleavage is like a bowl of ice cream without any ice cream – what’s the point?