Model from Hell
Believe me, you really don’t even want to know.
What ever possessed me to pick up this VCD at my local store? Impulse buys
can be dangerous things in the wrong hands. Of course so is filmmaking.
Director Chiu Jan Keung should be on a wanted poster. Crime – causing bodily
damage to careers and reputations with a loaded camera.
Actually, there was a reason that I picked
up this VCD – a picture of Simon Yam and Maggie Q. on the cover. It’s almost
always fun to see what Simon is up to – and I was curious to see the film
debut of this well know HK fashion model who hails from Hawaii and is of
Vietnamese and American parentage.
I could be wrong, but I think this is a horror
film. I am just not sure whether it is a brilliant homage to the low budget
horror/alien films of Ed Wood or is simply one of the worst films ever
made. If I had to place money, it would be on the latter though. The special
effects consist of dimming the lights, a paper mache head that Maggie holds
on her shoulder to simulate having a second head, phony eyeballs and someone
wrapped up in saran wrap with Tabasco sauce poured on it.
The film makes no sense at all. Why does Maggie
have two heads? Ehrr - we never find out. Why are there two Maggies? Beats
me. How does she grow back her head after its been cut off? Doesn’t matter.
Mainly though why did Maggie Q choose this film for her debut. It’s almost
as great a mystery as to why Simon is in it. I know he is the man who can't
say “no” to a movie offer – and he does get to spend most of his screen
time either on top of Maggie or locking lips with her - but even Simon
has to learn to say no sometimes.
At the beginning of the film, Maggie is knifed
and set on fire. The assailant then joins her in the fiery barbecue to
oblivion. Well, since she is the star of the film, it is not too surprising
that she soon shows up again. In fact, two Maggies do and they hate each
other and are trying to kill one another. I don’t know why. One of the
Maggie’s becomes a model – uses mind control to have two men do her bidding
- and killing. You know they are under her control because their eyes get
really big and their speech really sloooow.
Someone surreptitiously films Maggie and the
negatives show her with two heads. I don’t know why. So she has to get
the film back and uses her mind control to explode a few brains and some
eyeballs and they always end up stuck to the ceiling looking like yesterday’s
scrambled eggs. Now why don’t other pictures that are taken by Simon show
her with two heads? I don’t know. At some point both her heads are cut
off – and they later regenerate. How? I don’t know. Is her character an
alien, a monster, a ghost? I just don’t know!
Now Maggie does have a nice scary stare – one
I am sure she has long practiced on room service waiters and dress fitters
– and she is undeniably lovely, so hopefully someone will give her another
opportunity in a film in which she only has to act with one head.
My rating for this film: this I know – 3.0