Unbeatables


Lets get to the good news first regarding this film. A tired looking Pinky Cheung gets to go to the Philippines where hopefully she was able to get some pool time and have herself a mini-vacation. Two actors who I haven't seen in a new film for ages decide to show up here. Hopefully, they also needed some down time in the Philippines as well. Fan Siu Wong was in two famous cult films during the nineties - The Story of Ricky and Stone Age Warriors. In both of these he showed a fairly impressive physique along with some good martial arts moves. But he sort of dropped out of films and has primarily done television for the past few years. Well he is back. Another actor to drop out of the film scene for a while is pooky faced Lily Chung (Red to Kill and Daughter of Darkness). The good news regarding her is that she makes it through this film without being raped, molested or beaten up! It is good to see her stretching her thespian skills and surviving a film.
I am not sure if you would consider this good news or bad news - but after viewing this in its entirety I feel all too intimate with each and every pore of Roy Cheung's face. The director (who I won't name to protect the innocent) has a fetish for microscopic close-ups and without the budget for either good lighting or make-up we are privileged to see every sweaty blotch on every actor's face. At one point a whitehead pops up on his chin like a President on Mt. Rushmore and all I could do was focus on it - and wonder if anyone was ever going to mention it to him. Not a chance.
On a scenic tour of Manila, Fan takes Roy's sister to the infamous trash dump and tells her how sad it is to see people pick their way through the garbage in hopes of finding something of value to sell. Lets say if they had come upon this film, they would have left it right where it lay - stinking up the place. The fact that this film was even made is somewhat sad, but that it got transferred to the DVD format before all the great films still patiently waiting is criminal. What is going on - open up an investigation - serve some warrants - have some lunch say a prayer.
The film opens promisingly with Fan Siu Wong in jail ala Ricky and a hulking creature wants to put him in his own private petting zoo - but a few kicks later Fan is out of jail and in the employ of Mr. Li. Mr. Li is a triad intent on taking over Chinatown in Manila and thinks that Fan and his partner Roy can help him do this. Now the problem is that Fan and Roy go by the names of Shiny and Flames. Unless you were opening an art deco retro disco, would you hire two guys called Shiny and Flames to help you out? Mr. Li does much to his regret. Roy gets one gander at Li's wife, Pinky (also her character's name), and decides he wants her like a delicious turkey sandwich the day after Christmas. The fact that Pinky spends the entire film inebriated or with her nose buried in 3 inches of "snow" doesn't seem to bother him.
It is only a matter of time until Mr. Li is out of the way  - Pinky merely sniffs at the news of his demise - and lovingly looks at Roy like a silver straw waiting to be inhaled. Of course as Shakespeare observed - perhaps more discernibly than here - that the crown does not always rest easy on the head of a king - nor does a Pinky Shakespeare should have added. Billy Chow is a Philippino general and he has a fight with Fan Siu Wong - which in theory could have made the film perhaps worth watching - but they use the same quick editing style that is used with non-action stars to make it look as if they have any idea what they are doing. These guys do though and it's a real shame that they didn't allow them to have some fun. The only thing to keep its integrity in this film was unfortunately Roy's whitehead. To be avoided like a dentist with the shakes.

My rating for this film: 2.0



DVD Information:

Distributed by Widesight

The transfer is very average.

Not Letterboxed

Cantonese and Mandarin language tracks

There are no trailers.

The subtitles are burnt on Chinese and English.