Crime of the Beast II
Director: David Lau
Year: 2002
Rating: 4.0
The plot and appeal
of this film can be summed up in three words – Grace Lam’s nipples. That’s
not much of a plot but it holds a surprising amount of appeal! Earlier this
month I was hornswoggled into purchasing the DVD of Hookers World because
of its cover with both Grace Lam and Sophie Ngan taking on rather incendiary
poses – but the content of the film itself was strictly PG. So sure enough
I visit my friendly DVD store again and staring me in the face is this film
– which once again has the same two damsels on the cover with the minimal
amount of coverage going on. Ha! No fool am I, I say to myself and anyone
else who would listen and walk firmly away like a man on a mission. Something
slowly pulls me back though and I think to myself . . . maybe this time.
This is the same sort of optimism that makes me vote every year for politicians
who promise us a better life, a thriving economy and a political body that
will put the interests of the American people above those of the special
interests. Sure. So I buy the DVD along with the American Dream.
But sometimes promises do come true. Yes, the film is quite awful in nearly
every way imaginable – a plot that is painfully moronic, acting that is at
times embarrassing, dialogue that should be spit out like shards of broken
glass, a running time that is at least 50 minutes too long (in a 90-minute
film) and shot on a flat digital video format – this is all true but there
are those nipples staring at you like long lost friends. Unfortunately, I
can't show them here as this site is for all audiences - but I assume they
received their own paycheck and belong to their own union.
Alvin Man is a cop in Hong Kong and a very bad one – in deep hock to the
local triad money boys and on the outs with his girlfriend, Grace Lam. He
gets cashiered out of the force and runs away to the Mainland to get far
away from the headbangers – but still finds a way to get his face busted
up. Next he finds a job in a resort hotel in Malaysia as a waiter. On a hotel
cruise the ship is blown up by some irate woman and Alvin floats ashore to
a small island in the middle of nowhere. His luck though is about to change.
The only other two survivors are Sophie Ngan and a woman who looks just like
his girlfriend – and is not too surprisingly also played by Grace Lam. Well,
if you have to end up on an island eating fruits and catching fish I can’t
imagine better company than Grace and Sophie! Life could be worse. For the
longest time it appears that the camera will do no more than leer down the
two woman’s blouses like a perverted peeping tom on a subway car, but then
Grace decides its time to take a bath – in a chilly pond – and the promise
is kept (if you want to avoid the film and jump into the promised land –
go to the 32 minute mark!). The camera swoops in to witness her points from
every angle – often up close and personal. If this had been viewed on a big
screen you would have had to duck to avoid getting poked in the eye! Chilly
water has that effect. Sophie on the other hand stays modestly attired throughout
– maybe it is her turn to show her points in their next pairing. Basically
the two women want to get off the island but Alvin seems more than happy
to stay there forever. Who wouldn’t? So to sum it up – bad film, good nipples.
