Crime of the Beast II
The plot and appeal of this film can be summed
up in three words – Grace Lam’s nipples. That’s not much of a plot but
it holds a surprising amount of appeal! Earlier this month I was hornswoggled
into purchasing the DVD of Hookers World because of its cover with both
Grace Lam and Sophie Ngan taking on rather incendiary poses – but the content
of the film itself was strictly PG. So sure enough I visit my friendly
DVD store again and staring me in the face is this film – which once again
has the same two damsels on the cover with the minimal amount of coverage
going on. Ha! No fool am I, I say to myself and anyone else who would listen
and walk firmly away like a man on a mission. Something slowly pulls me
back though and I think to myself . . . maybe this time. This is the same
sort of optimism that makes me vote every year for politicians who promise
us a better life, a thriving economy and a political body that will put
the interests of the American people above those of the special interests.
Sure. So I buy the DVD along with the American Dream.
But sometimes promises do come true. Yes, the
film is quite awful in nearly every way imaginable – a plot that is painfully
moronic, acting that is at times embarrassing, dialogue that should be
spit out like shards of broken glass, a running time that is at least 50
minutes too long (in a 90-minute film) and shot on a flat digital video
format – this is all true but there are those nipples staring at you like
long lost friends. Unfortunately, I can't show them here as this site is
for all audiences - but I assume they received their own paycheck and belong
to their own union.
Alvin Man is a cop in Hong Kong and a very bad
one – in deep hock to the local triad money boys and on the outs with his
girlfriend, Grace Lam. He gets cashiered out of the force and runs away
to the Mainland to get far away from the headbangers – but still finds
a way to get his face busted up. Next he finds a job in a resort hotel
in Malaysia as a waiter. On a hotel cruise the ship is blown up by some
irate woman and Alvin floats ashore to a small island in the middle of
nowhere. His luck though is about to change.
The only other two survivors are Sophie Ngan and
a woman who looks just like his girlfriend – and is not too surprisingly
also played by Grace Lam. Well, if you have to end up on an island eating
fruits and catching fish I can’t imagine better company than Grace and
Sophie! Life could be worse. For the longest time it appears that the camera
will do no more than leer down the two woman’s blouses like a perverted
peeping tom on a subway car, but then Grace decides its time to take a
bath – in a chilly pond – and the promise is kept (if you want to avoid
the film and jump into the promised land – go to the 32 minute mark!).
The camera swoops in to witness her points from every angle – often up
close and personal. If this had been viewed on a big screen you would have
had to duck to avoid getting poked in the eye! Chilly water has that effect.
Sophie on the other hand stays modestly attired throughout – maybe it is
her turn to show her points in their next pairing. Basically the two women
want to get off the island but Alvin seems more than happy to stay there
forever. Who wouldn’t? So to sum it up – bad film, good nipples.
My rating for this film: 4.0