Skyline Cruisers
Director: Wilson Yip
Year: 2000
Rating: 2.5
Look, I don’t want
to come across like someone’s grouchy old grandfather wheezing about the
good old days to a stranger sitting next to him on a park bench – but after
suffering through this completely mind numbing film I am either in need of
venting or ventilation. Simply put, this is swill looking for a drainage
hole to sink into. Is this really the future of Hong Kong action films? If
so – I can hardly wait for Lethal Weapon V and Die Hard IV.
I don’t necessarily expect a lot from an action film – a plot that I can
follow, some characters that I care about and some well-thought out action
scenes. This film delivers on none of these. For most of the film, the story
makes less sense than a Jasper Johns painting. In fact at one point – in a
smug inside joke I assume – Jordan tries to explain what’s going on – but
whenever he does his words are drowned out by airplane noise. That is because
the scriptwriters didn’t have a clue – this is patchwork filmmaking at it’s
worst and they really didn’t care – put in a few top stars and the suckers
will come to see it (or worse buy the DVD in my case!).
No amount of attractive actors pursing their lips or furrowing their brows
or pointing guns can make these characters worth watching. We never find out
anything about them – and honestly we never really want to. They are mere
mannequins going through the motions. Character development consists of Leon
Lai and Jordan Chan talking elliptically about cars, Sam Lee and his sunglasses
and Michelle Saram dying her hair bright orange. If these characters had
all been killed during the film would anyone have even noticed? And one rule
of thumb for any film – whenever they introduce an outlandish animal for
no reason except to take up time or try to humanize the characters – a baby
orangutan in this case – it is an admittance of creative bankruptcy.
Of course, the great thing about action films is that even if the plot is
as confusing as watching a mahjong game on acid (ie. Dragons from Russia)
or the characters have the depth of a New York slice of pizza (Gen X-Cops),
Hong Kong action choreography can still make it a religious experience. Watching
these dull overly edited action sequences though is like a long day in purgatory.
It is nothing but a bunch of quickly edited shots that add up to nothing.
When the band is breaking into a high security building – the camera follows
the characters and their actions in such a disjointed manner that the viewer
cannot possibly follow what is happening. It’s MTV not cinema – a fashion
showcase rather than an action showcase - and I am getting so tired of it.
As annoyed as I am at this recent trend in HK action films, let us truly
shed a tear for director Wilson Yip. Yip has been one of the most innovative
directors in HK for the past few years with droll personal takes on the genres
of triad films (Mongkok Story), horror (Bio-Zombie), cops and robbers (Bullets
over Summer) and romance (Juliet in Love). For him to be saddled with this
techno-geek-faux-action film must have been painful indeed - perhaps
the price of doing future projects. Before this, Yip’s films have always been
small, thoughtful affairs and he must have needed electroshock therapy every
morning before going on the set for this one. I know I did after watching
this. The fact that this is a UFO production only makes it more depressing.
Since in theory this is a review and not a rant, I should at least mention
a few specifics about the film. It begins with Jordan looking very miffed
– as if his favorite flavor of ice cream wasn’t available – someone is hanging
on a rope – someone cuts the rope – someone falls very very far. Ok – is that
clear? Now its three years later and Leon and his crew of techno-thieves (Jordan,
Sam Lee and Michelle Saram) break into a bank’s vault to steal a . . . baseball
card. Wow was that ever exciting. At least it wasn’t an Ed Kranepool baseball
card – I think it may have been Honus Wagner (can anyone verify this?). Now
Honus Wagner is worth talking about. He was one of the great players of all-time
– batted .329 over seventeen years for the Pittsburgh Pirates and played
a dazzling short stop. His 1909 baseball card was sold on E-bay for US $1.1
million dollars!
Later they get hired to break into another location to steal the cure for
cancer (this all taking place in Malaysia) from Patrick Lung Kong (the bad
guy in Black Mask and one of the top Hong Kong directors of the 1960’s – Story
of a Discharged Prisoner and Teddy Girls) and Leon runs into his girlfriend
(in real life) Hsu Chi strolling around in tight black pants and not having
much to say. In fact Hsu Chi never says very much – even when she gets shot
– and one has to wonder why she was in the film at all. She doesn’t appear
until near the forty-minute mark – and has no purpose that I can think of
– but then neither does Sam or Michelle or Jordan. This is Leon’s show – and
lets not forget the orangutan. Trying to decide whom the biggest monkey is
would be difficult to say – Leon for appearing in this film or me for watching
it. I didn’t think it could get worse than For Bad Boys Only – but even Bad
Boys had a mild sense of fun – this has none - feeling like a crotchety old
grandfather I award this one: 2.5
