Child of Peach
Director: Chen Chun-liang; Chiu Chung-hing
Year: 1987
Rating: 7.5
In the late 1980s
Taiwan made a series of fantasy martial arts films for children starring
the diminutive actress Lin Hsiao-lu (aka Lam Siu-Lau) that are totally insanely
bonkers. And great fun if you are in the right mood. Not for serious filmgoers
who think Jean-Luc Godard was the last word in cinema. Not unless he had
farts that killed. And exploding heads. Or giant peaches to hide babies in.
Or evil horny demons that have not had sex in 300 years. Or an enormously
fat man who just sits on his opponents to kill them. Or dwarf ass-biting.
Or deadly Shark Men who jump out of the water. Or animals pissing into wine
cups for revenge. That just begins to touch on the fabulous strangeness of
this film. It is like living in a pinball machine for 90 minutes.
With all the killing that takes place,
the slaughter of towns and the exposure of children's genitals (Netflix will
not be showing this any time soon), this might not seem like a children's
film but it almost had to be with all the corny special effects, bright colors,
silly story and children heroes - and I imagine they ate it up. Or went for
therapy. But the films and Lin Hsiao-lu have also gained a cult status
with cool cat adults into Hong Kong/Asian films. A few of the other films
are Kung Fu Wonder Child, Magic of Spell and Magic Warriors. Not easy to
access good non dubbed copies but much to my amazement this film is up on
Youtube in Mandarin with English subs (often lost in the white background)
and in very good quality.
When I say Lin Hsiao-lu is diminutive I
am not exaggerating. If she hits five feet in high heels I would be surprised,
but she is a fine martial artist who trained at school. She won the Golden
Horse Award for a Newcomer at age 13 but she was near 20 when she made these
films. In total according to HKMDB she made 28 films - all basically in Taiwan
and nearly all but a few unobtainable. She never made it to Hong Kong which
is surprising as this was the height of Girls with Guns films. In Kung Fu
Wonder Child she co-starred with Yukari Oshima, who had stopped off in Taiwan
for a few films before moving on to Hong Kong to become one of the top action
stars. After this film Lin gained the nickname of Peach Baby.
It begins as most films do in the Peach
Garden where a husband and wife reside with their baby boy in total seclusion
except for their three bodyguards who can change from their animal self to
child warriors. Their names are Tiny Dog, Tiny Monkey and of course Tiny
Cock. They are protecting the Sword of the Sun - but when the King Devil
(Huang Chung-Yu) shows up looking like an ancient samurai with bad teeth
and with his green haired minions, they are able to kill the father, mother
and send the Tinies off running. Before she dies, the mother hides the baby
in a giant peach for nutrition and safety and tells the peach to leave. It
does by flying in the air. A small fairy goes along with it.
Meanwhile an old couple in their 70's are
fighting about whose fault it is that they have not yet conceived a child
but they are still trying. Good luck with that. The woman (Yau Mei-fong)
goes to the river to wash clothes and sees the peach just sitting there.
She goes after it, can't catch it, gets in a wash tub and paddles after it
down the rapids onto land where her ass catches fire and the peach puts it
out by peeing peach juice on it. She takes it home finally for her husband
(Chin Tu) to see and eat and the peach goes behind a curtain for modesty,
and delivers Peach Kid. Who grows up at super speed due to the fairy and
has incredible strength. At about the 40 minute mark Peach Kid is Lin Hsiao-lu
who plays the boy - as she did in a few films. She goes off to fight the
King Devil, is joined by the Tinies, the fairy and a very fat king (Pang
San) who wants to marry the beautiful kidnapped princess, who when she sees
him would rather stay in jail. It is loony with the cheesiest special effects
ever, way too many children, more wire work than should be legal, humor so
broad you can walk across it but if you are looking for something different
this might be it. In a sense it is a Taiwanese version of the Wizard of Oz.
